The two Americas
This is what everyone is saying.. a divided country, a polarized population, two sides creating and hating each other. This is one narrative, certainly one that I had to look square in the face when I realized how close a presidential race we have just experienced. Its overwhelming, really - how can we survive such polarized narratives and dreams about our society? I was especially struck by one poll that reportedly asked 1,000 Democrats what their feelings would be if Trump won the presidency; then simultaneously asked 1,000 Republicans what their feelings would be if Biden won the presidency.... Both groups of answers were overwhelmingly similar: lots of anxiety and fear.
This gave me my first clue as to what this divided populace really involves. I am thinking that we do have two Americas - one based in anxiety about what is, and fear of what could be. And one America based in acceptance of what is, and hope about what could be. However, rather than one part of the population living on one side while the others resides in the second, we all straddle both of these Americas, and we all are motivated by these basic forces shaping our inner lives.
Fear and anxiety shape my days when I obsess over the election results; when I feel physical or emotional pain; when I succumb to worry about my children; when I stand in a puddle. A wise friend once said to me, sardonically as I stepped out of my car into a vast puddle in front of my house: those who stand where the water flows will get wet. Thanks for this sage advice, I shot back, laughing at myself. However, now I remember her words when I am upset about overwhelming circumstances: sometimes, we can simply step back, or forward, or sideways, and avoid a lot of our discomfort and stress.
Acceptance and hope shape my days too: each time I step outside and see the vast Alaskan sky; in moments of grace with my parents, or as a parent; when I see other's movements and growth; when I get excited about a project; when I clean my house or put my garden or grandchildren to bed. One day many years ago, I noticed that I felt happy, for no particular reason. All that day, this feeling of joy buoyed me up and fed my soul. And in the years since that day, I remember this experience as often as possible - through self care and an attitude of gratitude, joy is within reach through the most challenging of times. Those who stand in the sunshine (or sit by the fire) will feel it's warmth. And, the sunshine can be generated from within.
We must learn how to speak our truths, speak up and out, and to disagree, without making those we disagree with small or entirely wrong. This is a really hard step to take, and most of us stumble over it every day for our entire lives. Welcome to America. This is the pathway ahead of all of us. Until we learn this hard lesson, we will be forever living in a divided land, a place that stokes our fears and anxieties and fuels our desires for Power Over. As long as we grab power, either through legal manipulation or just through being mean or self-righteous, we will always be afraid deep down that others will do the same. Welcome to America.
Let us admit to populating both Americas; and let us begin to clean our own houses before we cast too many stones; and let us extend a hand to our own fears, let them be voiced, be heard, and yet, never be given too much power. Fear of the future will never leave us; but perhaps it can be coaxed into the back seat to stew over the song playing on the radio while we pay attention to the road ahead. After all, everyone we love is in the car, together with everyone we hate. Welcome to the one America.
With peace,
Eliza Eller