Welcome in the new crazy year
Dear Friends,
Why is it that we humans don’t just follow all the right answers, eat only healthy foods, say only helpful and loving words, and act in responsible, careful, caring ways? Why are we so complicated, emotionally driven, violent, self-centered, blind and often stupid, acting and speaking in ways that harm ourselves and others? Why is the death force so strong in us? This morning, I was watching my 5 year old grandson play with his younger brother, then slap him for no good reason, only to be slapped back almost instantly - with both ending up in angry tears… And I was reminded of our impatient, short sighted, small-minded selves. We like to imagine that we have matured and grown into smarter, wiser, more patient adults - and in some obvious ways, perhaps we have. But in many deeper ways, we continue to thumb our noses at common sense and the bigger picture of humanity and the earth, ignore common decency and respect toward other humans, and act from our held traumas in ways which we will regret, or which will bring us pain.
In 2019, I learned about Whole Health Action Management, or WHAM, a peer-to-peer educational support group around health. I was inspired by WHAM because it provided me a step-by-step process to wrestle with my irrational emotional self - the part of me that just won’t listen to reason, and doesn’t respond well to moral philosophizing. I admit, I like any group process that doesn’t rely on subtle or obvious punishment or peer pressure to move people. I have found punishing or shaming ourselves into change both incredibly unattractive AND fairly ineffective. It’s an extension of our shortsighted brains, to imagine that to be feared is better than to be loved. We so easily forget, that when we utilize fear or shame as a motivation to change others, we create a world of fear and shame, and open ourselves up to being slapped right back. And when we use fear or shame in attempts to change ourselves, we sour the trusting relationship we need most for movement, courage and contentment: our relationship to our authentic selves.
It’s when we learn, finally, to treat ourselves with respect and wonder, with smiles and encouragement; to honor the mystery of existence and admit that we don’t know much about much; that our own motivations are often hidden from us; that is when wisdom begins. That is when we start to grow up, away from that impatient, short sighted and self-centric developing 5 year old brain, and start down the pathway of loving and taking respond-ability for all life brings our way.
And here is a song, about loving life, in all it’s twists, turns and irrational behaviors.
With wishes for an abundant, eye-opening, nurturing and wondrous, New Year!
Eliza Eller